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The twelve days of Christmas ...

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Cholmondeston

Its clackety-clack and paws down to write December's blog for you: before I forget I must tell you that himself forgot one of the (feeble) puns he put in my blog last month. He's just spent a few minutes re-reading it (pity he doesn't re-read the blog after writing it you may say) and thinks he's found it. Anyway I reminded him that the first one was the mention of Foxtrot and the words Boom-Boom, yes you've remembered now, Basil Brush! Turn the volume up and click here. He thinks the second was the link bewteen B...B... and the "Remember remember, gunpowder plot" title but let's just leave it there shall we? The purist will probably say they aren't puns anyway, just wordplay and not very good either. As you can see from my portrait I'm bored of his feeble and punishing attempts at humour .....

So to make up for it, or not, here is my version of the twelve days of Christmas as dictated to himself. For the full experience you will of course have to keep coming back here to see how the days progress, or not ..... Ah ha, I see that some of you have returned to check on progress. Well there's more nonsense to come over the next few days!

 

On the first day of Christmas my people gave to me,
A squirrel up a pear tree ....

Worleston

On the second day of Christmas my people gave to me
Two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the third day of Christmas my people gave to me
Three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the fourth day of Christmas I gave to themselves,
Four ear plugs, for three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

Minshull Vernon

On the fifth day of Christmas my people gave to me,
Five yellow flashing yellow LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night, four ear plugs for three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the sixth day of Christmas my people gave to me
Six muddy walks,
five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night, four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the seventh day of Christmas I gave to themselves,
Seven dirty fur shakes,
six muddy walks, five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night, four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the eighth day of Christmas my people gave to me,
Eight cold hosing downs,
seven dirty fur shakes, six muddy walks, five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night, four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ...

On the ninth day of Christmas my people found on me,
Nine fleas a leaping after eight cold hosing downs,
seven dirty fur shakes, six muddy walks, five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night, four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the tenth day of Christmas my people gave to me,
Ten medicated shampoos to treat nine fleas a leaping after eight cold hosing downs,
seven dirty fur shakes, six muddy walks, five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night, four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the eleventh day of Christmas I gave to themselves,
Eleven rolls on the clean carpet while still wet,
after ten medicated shampoos to treat nine fleas a leaping after eight cold hosing downs for seven dirty fur shakes after six muddy walks wearing five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night plus four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

On the twelfth day of Christmas my people gave to me,
Twelve towelling rub-downs after eleven rolls on the clean carpet while still wet,
to rinse off ten medicated shampoos to treat nine fleas a leaping after eight cold hosing downs to clean seven dirty fur shakes after six muddy walks while wearing five yellow flashing LED dog collars so I don't get lost at night plus four ear plugs to block out three squeaky toys, two honking ducks and a squirrel up a pear tree ....

Merry Christmas to you all!!

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If any of you want to come round and sing this song to themselves you MAY be rewarded with one of herself's home-made mince pies. Himself says they are very good, but adds that very good can be made excellent by prising the lid up of a freshly warmed example and adding one teaspoon of sherry or whisky. As the mince pie is crumbly, warm and now slightly soggy it is best eaten in one mouthful — fellow canines this is your moment to be at the ready, as gravity will intervene and crumbs are coming down your way!

Aarggh! — see PPS — himself took some video of me in the flashing collar and may post a link to it.

 

Madai the Labrador — your rovering reporter

PS: for the non-dog owning reader, a "honking duck" toy can become very repetitive in a Labrador's jaws!
PPS: when you have black fur you can't be seen out and about in the garden at night. Himself has got the better of me by insisting on a natty flashing yellow collar — I refuse to pose for a picture of it!

As usual click here if you feel the need to visit my home page.

CholmondestonWettenhallMinshull Vernon